Random Saturday: Your Emotional Closet

If you are anything like me, when spring and summer arrive you feel the need purge your closet. That is exactly what I am going to do today. Every time I open my sliding closet door, I always say the same thing, "I guess I'll wear that again."

My closet has clothes in it that are too big (in case I gain weight), clothes that are too small (in case I lose weight), and clothes that fit (for my current weight). 

It's kind of like life. People tend to hold on to things from the past, "just in case." We tell ourselves things like "this person hurt me and I am going to keep that hurt hanging in my emotional closet just in case I want to bring it up again" or "I was so happy at that time in my life and I'm going to leave it in my emotional closet so I don't have to move forward." 

We wear and feel what we are used to - what is comfortable. What we really need to be doing is enjoying where we are right now. Wear what fits you today. And, if it doesn't fit, purge it. You are not the same person you were when you wore the hurt and happiness before. You have grown - your taste in style has changed, your beliefs have developed, your emotions have expanded. 

You are so much more than what is hanging in your emotional closet. 

Today I am going to put away my winter clothes, then box up the clothes I haven't worn in a year to bring to Value Village. 

I think I will also box up the clothes I have worn too much in that past year so I can no longer say, "I guess I'll wear that again."

Dream Big

I woke up yesterday feeling a little discouraged. There is just so much going on in my life right now. I have 2 kiddies graduating (grade 6 and grade 8), I am going to my parents for a week at the end of June, the kids are going away for all of July, I have classes until the middle of August, I have a licensing exam to study for (800 pages!), and I need to find a job. 

Through all of that, the only thing I keep thinking about is starting my own practice. I have so many dreams for the future. I want to grow a firm. I want to have a well-off business so I can donate to charities and sponsor events. I want to create an Award that goes to the Ignace High School Grade 12 graduate who is pursuing a career in the legal field. I want to have an Award for the graduate of the Paralegal program who has a great attitude and is planning on opening their own practice. 

I want to buy a house, have a new car with my business decal on it, and, eventually, have a corner office in a high rise. 

To name a few. 

Yes, I have a lot of dreams. 

Yesterday morning all those dreams were faded into the background. I felt like there was no hope of any of those dreams coming true.

Throughout the day, I heard 2 songs that shook me out of my hopeless dream world and back into the "I Believe I Can Fly" world. (That was my grade 12 theme song... 18 years ago)

First was "What Are You Waiting For?" by Nickelback

Then came "Fight Song" by Rachel Platten

"This is my fight song

Take back my life song

Prove I'm alright song

My power's turned on

Starting right now I'll be strong

I'll play my fight song

And, I really don't care if nobody else believes

Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me."

The Music of Law

I returned to school today after a three week holiday. I was nervous about going back, although I couldn't really pinpoint why. Once I got there, back in class with my friends and profs, I felt like I was home. I remembered how much I truly enjoy what I'm learning. 

The music of my heart includes the bang of the gavel, the melody of a well planned opening statement, the climaxing conversation between advocate and witness, and the triumphant beat of a winning argument. 

Sometimes I feel silly for having such a passion about what I'm learning. It is a passion I hide inside that swirls in the depths of my being. I don't allow myself to show my excitement since people will probably think I am more crazy than I already am, and because "there are no feelings in the law". 

At least that's what I'm told. Repeatedly. 

The truth is, people are feeling people. And, since we work with people, there will be emotion in everything we do. It's the law itself that is emotion-less. 

This is a concept I am still working on... :)

In other news, I'd like to own this shirt. Ha ha!

Paralegal Shirt

Yellowed with Years

My Mom bought me a keyboard 25 years ago. I had been begging her for a couple of years to get me one. I started lessons when I was 7 or 8 with a lady that went to our church at the time. The first Hymn I remember learning was "Almost Persuaded". After we moved from that town, I only took lessons for another year or two. During that time, we rented a piano from a local music shop. I hated practicing. So, after a year at the Royal Conservatory of Music, and a few months with a "lady up the street" I stopped taking lessons. And, the rented piano went back to the shop. That's when my Mom bought me a Kawai keyboard. I never stopped playing. I wanted to do my own thing, compose my own songs, and not be forced to practice. I moved my keyboard with us every time we landed in a new place. That keyboard went from Saskatoon, to Newfoundland, to Ignace, to Saskatoon, to Prince Albert, to Ignace and to Waterloo. In those places, she went to different venues, such as homes and churches.  She has traveled many miles. Her music is still decent, with an occasional ringing that wasn't on purpose, her keys are yellowed with years, and she's been through a few adapters. She still 'works'. I will keep her. But, it was time to get something new. 

This is our Yahama. We went from a 61 key to a 76 key. I have big dreams for this new keyboard. I want her to be for my daughter what the other keyboard was to me. I want Cailyn to learn to play, to create, to compose, and to use playing as a form of expression. I cried many times playing my keyboard, and I hope that Cailyn is able to find the same emotion and passion in her playing. 

This new keyboard has some big shoes to fill. 

Keyboard Experience

I contacted a seller on Kijiji today regarding a keyboard he has for sale. We emailed back and forth a couple of time to get the details, like time and address, and then Cailyn and I headed to his "house". It  was raining out and the roads were not in the best shape, yet we decided to head to his place. I followed my Google Maps app to every turn it showed us to take. When we got to what was supposed to be our destination, the Map Lady told up to make a left turn... in a place where there was no left turn! The address this guy gave us was across from a train station. It looked like the place he was supposed to be living was in a bunker of some kind. But, there was no road. There were no lights on anywhere. And, the whole area was gated off.  The whole thing seemed shady so we turned around and went home. So, sad to say, no keyboard!

I did buy a laptop though, so that is something to check off my list.  And, no, it wasn't from Kijiji :)

Tree No Tree

January 1st proved to be a productive day. I cleaned out closets, took down and put away all the Christmas decorations, I cooked a nice supper for the kids and I, and there was plenty of time to relax left over. I have to say, it's been my favourite day so far this year *snicker*

I have to admit that I was really sad as I put the Christmas stuff away. I feel like I didn't get to enjoy it long enough. I love sitting in the living room with just the lights of the tree glowing red while drinking a nice cup of tea or eggnog hot chocolate. I love the feeling that Christmas puts in my heart and I really do long to have that feeling all year through. I am very thankful and blessed to have had such a beautiful holiday season with my kiddies. I'm refusing to allow myself to think of the fact that in only a few more days it'll be back to school schedules, studying and (gag) packing lunches. 

 

 

Although the house looks very empty, my heart is very full. So much has transpired over the 3 weeks of my holidays. I've gone from being a Mrs to a Miss and a Pederson to a Rumbolt. I've got back on track, I've cleaned and rearranged, and I've set new goals for the coming year. I've spent lots of time relaxing, reflecting and soaking in the peace of the season. 

I really did have a great Christmas.